An Unexpected Shift in Consciousness

Spiritually Transformative Experience (STE)

During an immersive weekend Sound School class with my tantric teacher, Gina Sala, we sang Raga scales and practiced vocal exercises in Sanskrit. We usually sing in Sanskrit, a beautiful yet unfamiliar language. Singing in a language I don’t completely understand has the added benefit of helping me focus on tone, breath, and listening – rather than judging the meaning, allowing a surrender of thought. I looked forward to our Raga practices as a time of deep peace and inner stillness. This morning, however, I suddenly experienced a life-altering change in consciousness:

My awareness shifted. With eyes closed, I felt myself floating in a dark, infinite void—both as a single point and as the vast emptiness itself. Only pure being and potential remained.

'I' was only awareness—pure consciousness, I was everything – all existence in infinity, yet nothing at the same time. I forgot that I was a woman, a human being, or part of humanity. I was pure consciousness that existed in everything and infinity: all that is, was, or will be, but at the same time, nothingness. With this, my awareness felt like a rollercoaster, rounding the top and free-falling. There was just this consciousness—no barriers, masks, judgments, or emotions—no Ego. I was pure consciousness: no emotion or identity, just awareness in what now seemed like an infinite void.

The shock of this caused a rise of fear and snapped me back to my body.

I opened my eyes, but the state of existing as nothing and everything remained. Looking at my hands, I felt disconnected from my body, unable to connect to any personal identity: not human, woman, mother, or nurse. All emotion was absent, including love, yet the unease persisted. Although I knew who and where I was, I felt no attachment or identification with myself. The fear rose from the sensation of losing “myself”, or my Ego.

I looked over at my teacher, Gina, and something in my eyes must have revealed what I was going through. Experienced in spirituality and states of consciousness, she checked in on me after class. I tried to describe the experience of pure awareness, the rising of fear, and still feeling disconnected. She reassured and supported me: “It is just your Ego fighting. All is well.”

It took weeks to re-identify with my human self. Love helped ground me in my roles and identity, but it was a gradual process. This experience changed my life. Knowing myself as pure consciousness, I can never fully return to identifying only as my human personality. I’ve had many spiritually transformative experiences (STEs), but they were mostly blissful and/or filled with light. This one was different, stark—pure awareness without attachment or emotion. The fear that I felt was only my Ego’s fear, and sent me back into 3d consciousness, back to my physical self. I believe if I hadn’t let the fear rise, the experience would have expanded.

Attachment and emotions, I must point out, are beautiful human traits, and perhaps learning how to feel and navigate these – the positive and the negative inherent in emotions - is one reason why our Souls choose to come here.

Sharing spiritual experiences like this one brings its own challenges—words fail to capture it, making clear communication difficult and misunderstandings easy. I know that will happen, but my intention in sharing is to help others who perhaps have similar experiences. This experience profoundly changed my perception of reality and my sense of identity, beyond all roles/identities/ideas. “I” am unchanging, neutral, and pure consciousness. Maybe that was the purpose.

In other words, I experienced the spiritual spark, the individualized spiritual spark which is my Soul. This spiritual energy resides within everyone and everything - every blade of grass, leaf on a tree, fellow human being, countries, universes, inhabits every dimension of time and space to infinity. We are all One, completely and infinitely connected and whole through our common core of spiritual energy, life, or divine energy.

Most of us perceive ourselves as only physical beings in a 3D world, forgetting that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Spiritually transformative experiences (STE) feel more real than real, and differ greatly in what is shown and experienced, just like Near Death Experiences (NDEs). I believe both NDEs and STEs are an inexplicable gift of Grace, and their purpose is to remind us of our true identities.